Dear Sunshine Girl, I don’t have any friends. The few people I do know are very different from me and I can’t find anyone to hang out with who I can get along with ~ Lonely & bored
Dear Lonely & bored,
Everyone, even those who have tons & tons of friends, sometimes feel that the are all alone and that no one understands them or that everyone else is very different from them.
The trick is not to let feelings of being “different” stop you (or anyone) from getting to know people. Sometimes the strongest friendships are formed between people who are different in (seemingly) every way.
For now I suggest you get out of your house and volunteer, volunteer, volunteer! When you give back, that’s when true happiness comes in. Check out which social organisations / NGOs are functional near where you live and then go offer your services to the one that most touches your heart. You’ll also be likely find like minded people there AND also seeing the plight of the less fortunate will open your eyes to how blessed you really are!
Lots of other things you can do, more later. Stay tuned!
Wishing you Sunshine Smiles,
Sg
~~
Pls note - the Sunshine Girl is not a psychologist, a psychiatrist or anything psy! All this column attempts to do, is bring sunshine into your life through practical suggestions. If your problem is a chronic one, you are strongly urged to seek professional help; seeking help is the first step to recovery.
Four year old Alexandra “Alex” Scott was suffering from neuroblastoma (a pediatric cancer) when she has a simple idea - she was going to open a lemonade stand to help raise money to help other kids with cancer!
Her older brother Patrick helped her do this and in the four years that followed, she helped raise $1 million!
Alex died when she was eight - but though she no more, her spirit remains alive - upto date, the Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation has raised over $10 million for childhood cancer research. Updates on the foundation’s work available at the Lemonade Blog.
Think for a minute: What is the extraordinary life of little Alex inspiring you to do right now?
“It is the characteristic of the magnanimous man to ask no favor but to be ready to do kindness to others.” ~ Aristotle
Lots of people are willing to help out people - if they see an opportunity of repayment or even the possibility of repayment in the future. Hence rich and powerful people are never without “friends” willing to “help out”.
However, how many people will work with the same enthusiasm (or even any enthusiasm?) and spend their time, energy and other resources to help people whom they know would possibly never be able to return the favor?
Yet, this is exactly what the Bible tells us to do: ‘When you give a dinner or a supper, do not ask your friends, your brothers, your relatives, nor your rich neighbors, lest they also invite you back, and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you” Luke 14:12-14.
Question yourself honestly - when was the last time you did something for someone else, purely to help them out, without any thought of repayment?
“Kind words are like leg room in an airplane - you can get to your destination with little, but the journey is much more comfortable with lots!”
Mother Teresa said “Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless”. Wouldn’t it be fabulously great if you said a kind word to someone and that created a rip effect that was endless?!
Today, as you go about your day, make a conscious effort to say kind words to people. Don’t lie - people can tell when you’re honest and when you’re sucking up / flattering. If you try, you’ll find tons of kind things to say to everyone you meet today, whether encouraging or complimentary words.
“The best way to get ahead in life is to help others get ahead”
One of the key principles in Zig Ziglar’s book ‘See you at the Top!’ is, “You can have anything in your life, if you help others get what they want“.
Bob Moawad puts it slightly differently, “You will always stand taller with someone else on your shoulders.”
Whatever way you look at it, make sure your helping others is genuine and not based on the fact that you want to get ahead, that will follow without you trying.
Keep your eyes, ears (but mainly heart) open to what people around you are going through - you can help people with a listening ear, with your time, contacts, money, talents, expertise, understanding, unconditional love, forgiveness and various other ways.
Dear Sunshine Girl, my boyfriend just broke up with me and I’ll be alone on Valentines Day. I can’t stand to look around and see other people with their Valentines… what do you suggest I do?
~ Scared that I’ll never love anyone else
Dear Scared-that-you-will-never-love-anyone-else,
Firstly, let me assure you, that if you decide mentally to move on - you WILL! You will in time be able to even fall in love again, as impossible as that may seem right now.
As far as Valentines Day is concerned, here’s what I suggest - stay away from the malls / restaurants / any public place promoting the holiday.
Also find something you love to do & do that! You could gather all your single friends & hang out at one of your homes - maybe watch a movie together (just make sure it’s not a romantic movie!). Or you could curl up at home with a good book you’ve been meaning to read.
Either way, the holiday lasts only 24 hours, so don’t worry, it’ll all be over soon!
Wishing you Sunshine Smiles,
Sg
PS: Congrats on being the very first mail I’ve answered in this column. Do write back & tell me how things worked out!
~~
Pls note - the Sunshine Girl is not a psychologist, a psychiatrist or anything psy! All this column attempts to do, is bring sunshine into your life through practical suggestions. If your problem is a chronic one, you are strongly urged to seek professional help; seeking help is the first step to recovery.
“Choose to believe something good about someone, rather than something bad, when you have the possibility of doing either”.
When we give love honestly, love will flow back to us, in some form or the other. In any given situation, when you have the possibility of believing either something good or something bad about a person or a situation - try to reach out for the good. Try to put yourself into that person’s shoes and see things from another point of view. Even if you can’t see or understand the “other point of view”, even acknowledging that it exists (or could exist) will help you give the person the benefit of the doubt & help the relationship flow positively.
Cynics may say you are setting yourself up for a fall by following this but use it along with common sense, especially if the people considered are ones who we know love us and/or are upright God fearing people.
Judaism propagates this value.
The following is an excerpt from the book, “The Other Side of the Story,” stories and strategies for giving others the benefit of the doubt by Yehudis Samet.
There is a special mitzvah in the Torah called “Judging others favorably.” This means if I see someone causing me an affront, I have an obligation first to stop, think, and consider if perhaps I am missing one crucial factor.
It’s like the woman who was upset at not being invited to her friend’s wedding, and held a grudge for 20 years… until the invitation finally arrived in the mail accompanied by an apology from the Post Office.
Sometimes we feel we lack either the tools or patience to judge others favorably. As a matter of fact, more often than not we feel there could not possibly be any excuse or justification for certain behavior.
We can challenge these thoughts and prove how talented and ingenious we can be in inventing excuses for others - by seeing how well we do it for ourselves.
Posted by Melody on
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
Filed in Start Living!
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“The journey is as important as the destination”
I have a friend who’s so keen “to make a mark” and to “leave an impression” on the world, that sometimes I think he misses out on so many beautiful things that are around him.
John Hope Franklin says “We must go beyond textbooks, go out into the bypaths and untrodden depths of the wilderness and travel and explore and tell the world the glories of our journey.”
Indeed, wouldn’t “arriving” be so much sweeter when we’ve enjoyed the journey?
Make a resolution today, to consciously make an attempt to enjoy the journey and take time to appreciate all the things that are around you.
Look now, I’m sure wherever you are in your journey, if you try, you’ll come up with a list of at least 10 things right now which are worth spending time enjoying - be it quality time with loved ones or just a lovely sunset on the drive home!
Posted by Melody on
Thursday, January 17th, 2008
Filed in Choices
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“Whoever walks with wise people will be wise, but whoever associates with fools will suffer” ~ Proverbs 13:20
It is said that we do not choose our families, but we sure can choose our friends. Given that fact, we should choose wisely.
From “It Does Matter Who Your Friends Are” :
Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City, understands the fundamental importance of being mindful of your friends and associates. In his best-selling book Leadership (2002), Mr. Giuliani discusses the importance of this issue at length in a chapter titled “Surround Yourself With Great People.”
What Mr. Giuliani essentially affirms in this chapter is the consistent and predictable truth of Proverbs 13:20: If you surround yourself with great (wise) people, you will benefit in countless ways. Conversely, if you surround yourself with mediocre, immoral or unethical people, you will take on their character traits and will not do well in life.
“Every time something good happens to you, make something good happen to someone else”
Just think, what is the way we usually react when something bad happens to us? “In a negative way”, would be the most common & truthful answer, regardless of the degree of the negative reaction.
What I subscribe to is the opposite of the negative loop I described above, in fact, I call it a “good loop”.
A good loop involves you deliberately and consciously doing something good for someone else every time something good happens to you.
Here are two great reasons why you should start doing this today:
~ You will realize how many good things happen to you on any given day - this conscious understanding will not only make you more grateful but it will also enable to have the strength to deal with negatives whenever they do pop up.
~ You will spread love and happiness to those around you - this will positively affect your relationships too, which will bring you great mental and emotional peace and well being.
